Boston short film

[Lisa Marie Guerra]

I saw bostons film for the samsung mobile contest and wanted to say great job to everyone who was part of the production. The only comments i have to make (which dont take any offence to this) but i think that the film could have been alot better by adjusting the lighting with two important scenes- the emotional scene when annie and her step mother are hugging and when annie falls off the bridge into the water. Both these scenes did not have enough lighting and was almost impossible to make out what was going on in the film. There was also no explosion scene that i could see which is what was supose to happen when Annie goes to look for the phone in the car and she then goes running over to her step mother. Overall the acting was good but the step mother shouldnt have looked so much like the daughter-after all she is the step mother and not the real mother. I also did not care for the girl who plays as annie when it came to the voice over in the beginning and end (just in my opinion). The emotion and tone of her voice didnt match up to what was going on in alot of the script. She did a good job with the action scenes but should have been coached to use her voice in a different tone with certain scenes.

[Peggy]

I agree, you guys did a good job. Some impressive work done! A couple notes I had:
- in interpreting the script, I felt that the section towards the end depicting her running around trying to find help was time wasted. The main focus of the film is supposed to be on the family, at least in my interpretation. (I'm not sure if the change was in her bonding with her step mom or her discovery of her strength, or both, but in either case, the set up was rather weak, thus the story seemed quite shallow and formulaic: mom left, bad relationship with step mom, HURRICANE, helping step mom and being brave, appreciation and respect. I would've liked more meat and less fat.) So I think more time could've been on the set up of their relationship, on the actual turning point when Annie helps her step mom, or on adding an epilogue of sorts to show how they are as a result. I guess these are mostly my problems with the script, but the base of any good film is a good script. (Another comment I'd like to add about the script is the "I didn't know you could handle this" was pretty random, corny, and out of place. You'd think she'd be focused on her pain, if she really was suffering, or that she'd say that the whole thing was over. What she'd done up until that point, dragging her step mom out of the car, wasn't all that impressive in my opinion. She looked mature enough. And the following line, "There's a lot you don't know about me," was rather random as well for similar reasons.)
- I would've liked to see more camera work. This story presented a good opportunity to experiment with the focus, closeups, filters, etc. For example, more work with longer lenses because there are moments when you want to focus on maybe just those two main female characters. I think you did that in the car with the lighting, which made the audience focus on the characters, but the lighting did seem odd because there wasn't as much "darkness" as you'd think there'd be. I'm not sure if the light reflects off the raindrops so much that camera just sees white.
- The shots of Annie's hand on the bed during her commentary were a bit weird in my opinion. First of all, it made me wonder, why the hand?. Secondly, I felt the filters used were off at times. In the beginning, she's leaving her home, so the warm lighting was good. In the middle, it should be cool because of the danger with #1 the hurricane and #2 the car accident. I did see some of that, so that was good. But then you'd think that those shots of her hand on the bed would be warmer because she's supposedly gone on to a better life. The coolness, although it did create distance, gave the visual impression that she viewed that event as a bad memory. Now, I can accept the blues of those looking-back bits in the beginning if you had added another of it at the end but in a warm color, which sort of gives the audience a surprise and helps make the film more cohesive. Or maybe just a shot of her looking straight at the camera, bathed in the warm light of her new home (whether it be a good or bad one - bad would've been a good texture to use). It would've been even more awesome if you could've rearranged the script a bit so that you didn't tell the audience that Annie gained some insight from the experience, although I understand that what was supposed to draw the viewers in is the hook of "what did she gain from the experience," but that's rather elementary (I believe in characters carrying a script as opposed to plot; draw the audience in through your characters, unless your plot's a really extraordinary one). If the movie had started off seeming like it was a horrible event and then presented itself as a revealing one, it would've been more dramatic as opposed to history-lesson-like (meaning more "I'm helping you imagine this" as opposed to "I'm telling you this"). (An issue I have with the ending: it's like one of those conclusions you write at the end of your essay; it just summarizes but doesn't add. In a good film, everything needs to ADD, needs to contribute, needs to be necessary; maybe a tighter, more focused story would've helped).
- I couldn't tell it was the step mom when the step mom first appeared trying to comfort Annie. I thought it was a sister or friend.
- The acting was off too. Right after Valerie says she and her step mom had a falling out (which wasn't explained), she looks pained. The audience isn't sure whether Annie's thinking about her relationship with her step mom or the hurricane. And then there are the weird shots of the Shannon (the step mom) mouthing words or something at the dad. I didn't get them. And the outburst from her was totally unnatural. If Valerie's tone of voice had been more harsh, I could've accepted it, but since Annie wasn't particularly sharp-tongued, the step mom's rage seemed out of line. All in all, I felt the acting was like flat soda.
- When shooting the outside rain sequences, you can obviously tell the camera is there because a stream of water is cascading off it. I know I've seen other films where you can tell there's raindrops on the camera lens, so I'm not sure if you can do anything about that.
- Just some shots didn't fit the 30 degree rule and looked kind of funny.

Sorry, I tend to scrutinize a lot and like to exercise my eye. This is probably the first time you all worked on making a movie anyway, and, regarding that, there's a lot to praise.
- impressive work with the car flipping over! That's pretty intense, and the sequence of it was well shot. I liked the flashes; it simulated the bumpiness of the fall.
- transitions=great. You guys didn't just fade in and fade out of car sequences.
- good tension in the end. You could get a good sense of the panic the characters felt.
- liked the colors; Annie wearing pink when her mother leaves, grey when she's got to run from the hurricane. Symbolic.
- good use of the hand held camera. It made the movie more documentary-like.
- setting up of the shots was good and made the story clear. In general, you guys followed those 30 degree, 180 degree, continuity rules, all those technicalities.
- liked how you didn't really show us where we were. It was focused on the people (although I have different opinions on the characters). But visually, I think you guys did well where the camera did more of the storytelling than the actors (like when Annie's leaving the house and the camera's looking at her so you can see her expression, or in the car where the camera's position presented Annie as the protagonist and the parents as formidable opponents separated from her by the seats, or the shots looking down on Annie and her step mom after the crash.)
- liked the moon at the end, with the characters exiting the screen and leaving it there behind them.

:) Hope this is helpful (and that someone reads this). Nice job Boston.

[Lisa Marie Guerra]

Looks like were the only ones so far to make a comment but the lines in the script when the step mother says "I didn't know you could handle this" was supose to be "I didn't know you knew how to give CPR" and then annie says "theres alot you dont know about me" but the women in the film probably forgot her lines so she just said that even though even the lines that were supose to be used were very corny and out of place for what was going on in the scene. I agree with the story being weak as far as showing the families relationship. There was supose to be a scene in the beginning that shows a younger verison of Annie running out of the house and watching her mom walk out on them which unless i some how missed that scene they cut it entirely out which was overall a very important scene showing the grief annie was going through leaving her home behind

[Peggy]

Yeah, I found the script later after I posted and saw that the line was different ("first aid"). But I think the cutting down of the mother-leaving-home scene was too bad as well. You need a solid base to branch off of.

So I read/skimmed the script, and I must say, it was a lot to ask of a 5-minute short. Explosions, almost drowning in the water...a lot of action. I would've estimated the script's version to be 20 minutes, at least. I don't know if Fresh Films told the writers how long it should be and to what extent they could have special effects and the like, but this script had aspects that seemed more suitable for feature films.

The biggest problem I had with the script was how it was written. I could tolerate most of the beginning description, but it soon became extremely detailed. I'm sure some scripts are supposed to be like that, but emphasizing description over words can get tiring. Maybe it's just because I believe screenwriters should leave some or even most of the work to the crew, especially the director, production designer, and DP. But I really think a more focused story could've helped. A hero doesn't have to save lives in particular. Why not saving cats, or someone from depression, or classmates from bad lunch food or fashion faux pas? I think an action hero comedy would've been clever - I'm not so fond of categories.

It's too bad that we're the only ones who've made actual comments on the films. Have you watched any of the other ones yet? I watched all last year's, and there were some really great ones, but I haven't had much time this year. I feel bad slamming this film; it's hard to just make one! I think I need to move on to the others. I'd be curious to see what you thought of the other action hero films.